I normally don't do "re-posts", but since tomorrow is Father's Day, I went to the archives and dug out this post from 2007. It's a letter I mailed to my Dad 6 months before he passed away. I hope you all enjoy it.
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I walked into Wal-Mart about 5:30 this morning. The greeter at the door was half-awake (or was it half asleep)? She nodded through weary eyes as I passed by. The Wal-Mart here in Hope Mills has just been renovated, and the first thing you see when you come in the main door now is the card rack. Normally I don't even notice the card rack, but something caught my eye early this morning that made me stop and observe for just a moment.
There was a young man standing there at the "Father's Day" section of the card rack, earnestly trying to pick out a card. He was rifling through card after card, obviously trying to find that special card for a special father or grandfather.
Then it hit me. This is the first Father's Day in 48 years that I won't be picking out a card for my Dad, who went home to be with the Lord last December. That thought kind of knocked the wind out of me for a moment. I never saw this one coming.
I resumed my walk through Wal-Mart, this time with tears streaming down my face. Fortunately for me, there's not a lot of people beating the doors down to be in Wal-Mart at 5:30 in the morning.
This will definitely be a different Father's Day.
I normally keep my cards and letters private, but I want to share something with you today that is probably one of the most special letters I have ever written. The following is a letter I wrote to my Dad last year. Little did I know at the time that it would be the last Father's Day greeting I would get to give him. That makes it even more special to me, especially on this Father's Day 2007. It's a little lengthy, but bear with me if you will.
Dear Dad:
This is a letter that's long overdue. I guess it's one I've been meaning to write for some time now, but never just "got around to it". Well, some things happened this week that caused me to realize there are some things that need to be said.
Not long ago we had a men's luncheon every Thursday at noon called "Men's Fraternity". Some men from the church gathered together for 26 weeks to fellowship and study about our roles as men and what the scriptures tell us being a man is all about.
We had a session one morning that really hit home. Pastor Jeff taught the lesson, then we broke up into small groups around the tables to discuss what was covered during the teaching session. This particular session dealt with our past.... specifically, our past in regards to our relationships with our fathers.
As I sat and listened to the other 3 men in my group share about their relationships with their dads, it blew me away. All three of them either didn't get along with their dad, of their dad left home at an early age in their life, or their parents were divorced. I sat there in silence for about 15 minutes as the other three shared their relationships (or lack of relationships) with their dads.
Then it was my turn to share. As I shared about our relationship as father and son, it was their turn to be "blown away". One man at the table commented that they wish they could have had such a relationship with their father. He seemed almost envious, and rightly so. Who wouldn't be? You've passed down a legacy to me that no sum of money could ever touch, and I'm grateful for that.
Dad, we talked last week about Uncle Reitzel's death, and the sad fact of coming to the end of your life's journey without a time to say goodbye and have folks review the legacy you leave behind. It caused me to think about your legacy, Dad. I don't think I can adequately put it all into words, all the details of the past 47 years, but let me try to hit some of the highlights, if I can.
I'm so glad God placed me under your care. Out of all the billions of people on the face of the earth, a sovereign God placed me in the McDonald family. I know I came along almost 10 years after my sister was born, and I probably wasn't a "planned" baby. Still, God knew what He was doing, and I'm grateful for that. In a day and age where people are aborting "unwanted pregnancies", I'm glad you didn't view that as an option. I also think about another young couple with a "surprise" baby..... Mary and Joseph. Aren't you glad they didn't listen to Planned Parenthood?
Thank you for loving me unconditionally. I know there were many times that I messed up. Some were not so noticeable, and others were major blunders. Thank you for loving me regardless, and for believing in me.
Thank you for loving my Mom and for staying together all these years. It was always a comfort to me to see how the both of you love each other, and how you modeled that love in front of your children. I am trying to imitate that in front of Nathan and Morgan. Your love for each other was (and still is) so strong that I never worried about the two of you splitting up and breaking up our home. In this age we live in, so many couples take each other....."for better, for worse".... but not ..."for good".
Thank you for the life lessons you taught me. One of the exercises we did one week in "Men's Fraternity" was to list the things you learned from your father. I'll never forget the look of pain on the face of one of the men at my table as he looked across the table at me and said, "I can't answer this question". It tore me up, Dad. Once again, I was able to quickly list many things, which prompted one of the men at the table to ask, "Man, what kind of father did you have?" I was proud to tell him the following things:
First of all, I'm thankful for my Christian upbringing. It was never a question about whether or not we were going to church on Sundays and Wednesdays. That was always a "done deal". Thank you for not just "taking" us to church, but for going WITH us to church. You set the example, Dad. I recently wrote a song that has a line in it: "I wouldn't be where I am today if someone hadn't been where they were back then." Thanks for not dropping the ball, Dad.
I'm thankful you taught me the value of hard work. I'm glad you didn't allow your children to become "couch potatoes". Once again, you set the standard for us to follow. What I reap today is from the seeds you've sown in the soil of my life. Thanks for teaching me the principle that success not only requires inspiration, but a lot of perspiration, as well.
You taught me the value of paying my bills. I'll never forget what you said to me when I was in Junior High. You said,"If you ruin your good name, you'll have a hard life." You cautioned me time and time again to guard my name, and if I couldn't pay someone what I owed them, it would be better to seek out the person you owe money to and explain your situation to them. You said that most people would bend over backwards to work with you. You were absolutely right. There have been times when there would be "too much month at the end of the money". We had to replace our upstairs AC unit, and were fortunate to find a Christian contractor who "thirded" the payments for us. We were a week late with a payment one month, and I called the man to apologize and inform him of what was going on and that the payment would be there by the end of the week. His comment to me?......"I wish every customer who owed me money was like you." I told him he could thank the man who taught that principle to me.... my Dad.
Thank you for putting me through college. I know there must have been many times when the tuition, room and board, living expenses, cars...(another whole paragraph by itself!).... all of that put a strain on your finances. Were it not for you and Mom and the sacrifices you made to put me through school, I wouldn't be doing what I do today. There are so many times I wish I could repay all the money you invested in me. I can never thank you enough for the investment you made in my education.
Dad, the memorable times I can remember are the times we spent together in Boy Scouts. You'll never know how much that meant to me. I know you were tired many Tuesday evenings when you came home from a full day's work, but you were always there for me and willing to serve as an assistant Scoutmaster. All the camp-outs, hikes, trips.... those memories will be with me until my final days. Here in North Carolina with so many military families at Bragg, I have a lot of young boys and teenagers who hardly ever get to see their Dad, let alone spend time with them. As I get older, time is more precious to me that money and material things. I see now more than ever the value of time, and that makes your gift of time to me that much more special.
Dad, I'm even thankful for the times you had to get tough. More and more I'm learning that parenting isn't for wimps. It takes a strong leader with some backbone. Being a father means you have to make tough calls sometimes and do things that may not make you the most popular guy around. Still, they're things you have to do if you want to succeed as a father. Thank you for loving me enough to take a paddle or a belt and warm the seat of my pants when I needed it... (and I needed it a LOT)! The Word of God says that if you refuse to discipline your son, you hate him. There was never a doubt in my mind that you loved me! When you would say, "Son, this is going to hurt me worse than it hurts you", I used to think to myself, "Yes, but it hurts in a different spot!" Now I understand. The one who disciplines finds no joy in it. The joy comes later when you see the behavior corrected. I was discussing this not too long ago with a parent who was appalled to find out that I use corporal punishment on my children. Needless to say, they don't spank their children, which is why their children are holy terrors and no one wants to be around them. They were concerned that spanking a child might "warp" them. I explained that Romans says "All have sinned...." and that we're all born "warped" by sin. The job of a parent is to lovingly take that child and try to "straighten out" what sin has warped. Thanks for loving me enough to punish me when I needed it.
Well, I didn't mean to write a book, and I know there are things I have probably let escape my mind as I sit here in the early morning hours and write. Let me just say one more thing and I'll close.
I'm so glad God had kept you with us for all these years. When you were first diagnosed with emphysema years ago, I was so scared that Nathan would never get to know the man who was my father. I'm grateful to God that He has given you these extra years with us. I don't know how many more years He will grant to you. I don't even know how many more He will grant to me. But here's what I DO know....
I know that when the time comes for you to make the crossing into the glorious life God has for you, you can make that crossing knowing that you have made a tremendous impact on my life. Your legacy lives today and will carry on long after you leave this world. I will try to pass the legacy you have given to me on to MY son and daughter. It's my desire in life that one day I will get to hold a letter like the one you are holding in your hand today. I only hope to be half the father you have been to me. If I can attain just that, the legacy will survive.
I love you, Dad. I never say it enough. I wish I had said it more over the years. I'm so grateful for the treasures you have given to me. I will guard them and try my best to share their wealth with my children.
I love you,
Danny
Happy Father's Day, Dad.
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